Still Here…?


This post does not mark the end of my time with Dads Round Table.  I am thoroughly enjoying myself there, and suggest you check it out if you haven’t yet.  This post does mark the beginning of me delving into myself again.  Since the DadsRT is not my personal blog, I shouldn’t air my personal musings all over it.  So I’m back to ManvDadhood.

Since the holiday season is upon us, you can expect me to look into myself without the anger and confusion I once had.  This site will also be less formatted, and less filtered because I will use it to get issues off my chest.  How that will happen, and how often are yet to be seen, but I know I have been in need of hashing some things out on the keyboard.  Since I don’t have to answer to anyone here except myself, then I don’t necessarily need to add to any posts, clear up any thoughts, or anything else…

I will apologize for anything ahead of time, but thanks for staying to keep going on this ride with me.

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#DadsRT: A Round Table of Dads


The Dads of the Round Table are a merry bunch of men. Some may consider us a motley crew, a posse of bandits, or even blogging rebels. But we are more than the sum of our parts; we became something bigger than ourselves… a community. The seven of us,  The Rookie, The SaskaDad, the Dad in Charge, Team BPD, Brad the Dad, the Founded Father, and myself have become a band of brothers.

However, when we stared the Dads Round Table, we did not start it for us, or even for dads; we started it for people. We are here for moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, children, and anyone else. In fact, our only prerequisite is that you have a heartbeat. There is already a great post that sheds light on the fact that it is Dads Round Table and not Dad’s Round Table.

DadsRTChatAd2At the core of our purpose is community. We enjoy chatting about life with one another and with you. We do this through comments on the articles posted and through our weekly Round Table Discussions both on the blog and on #DadsRT on Wednesday nights.

Our views are not the same and we come from different backgrounds and countries, but the way we think about and discuss issues is the same; we value discussion and debate. This Round Table has no “official” stance on any subject. I don’t say that because we don’t want to alienate anyone, but its because you NEED those opposing viewpoint in order to have an ACTUAL discussion about anything.

We may be a group of dads who have a community with DADS in the name, but we are here for anyone and everyone.

-JB

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#ModernMyths: Superman Part 2 of 3 – Kal-El


PART 2: KAL-EL

e3d73ef05914626e827996b6640de9bdIn part one of this series I described Clark as someone who puts on a happy face, while struggling with his identity under the surface.  Kal-El is the next part of the story.  Kal-El represents the revelation of where we really come from. This is difficult to relate to anyone who has not met their parents later in life, but it is something I can identify with clearly.

When I was 22 years old, I was engaged to my wife, and headed towards the first day of the rest of my life.  I was raised by my mom and my step-dad, who were married when I was 2 years old.  I had never met, or even seen pictures of, my biological dad.  All I knew was what I was told about him, but these stories did nothing to tell me anything about myself.  What kind of a man was he?  What motivated him?  Where was he?  Why wasn’t he around?  What was he like?  Was I like him?

When I finally got the chance to meet him, I was initially angry.  I said things like I don’t owe you anything, you’re not my dad, and I called him things like anonymous sperm-donor.  However, these JorEl6were written reactions to receiving a letter from him when I was 19.  It wasn’t until I was 22 that my oldest brother told me it I would be a good idea to meet him, and I finally did.  I met this idea of a man face-to-face. And this encounter with him, this truth about where I come from, answered questions I didn’t know I had.

Clark was young and different, isolated, and alone.  Kal-El was set apart.  He was no longer an orphan who was found, but a son who was sent; sent away from death, and given an opportunity to live.

 The Kal-El of the Dadhood

In the Dadhood, Kal-El is an idea most men can understand.  Once you have a new child for the first time and you experience the influence you have in the life of a  new human being, you are changed forever.  In an even more profound way than meeting my dad, my kids changed me.  It was sudden an lasting.  I could see the changed happening with my wife, but I couldn’t understand them.  I could be supportive, but I couldn’t empathize.  It wasn’t until I held, and kissed, and felt that tiny body in my hands that I understood what I was supposed to do.  All of a sudden, the idea of being a dad became real, and I knew what was needed of me.

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That is how I would describe Kal-El: a revelation of the truth of who we are, and the power we  hold. 

Do you agree with how I see this character?  Comment below, and comeback for Part 3 (Superman).

-JB

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@ChickswChoices Does a Series with Dudes!


In an alternate dimension, on the other side of the internet, a friend of mine who lives right around the corner wrestled with some of the same questions I did, but from the opposite gender.  Kim Galgano, is sharing with women and helping them on their own personal journey to uncover the “unique path [they] were always meant to live.”  She is challenging women to remember who THEY are, and to become the person they were meant to be.  More than a life coach, or an orator, she is not motivated by selling you a product, but in giving her time to women through Coffee House Chats, Girlfriend Getaways, and Public Speaking Events.

She is not larger than life, but her heart is, and that is why when she asked for me to join in with a series on her blog, I was happy to do so.  Starting this week, as men everywhere cope with the end of the NFL season, Kim has a series beginning called Dudes with Decisions.  It starts tomorrow, and it’s all about us guys sharing our perspective on the decisions we have made in life.  I will be talking about Defining Decisions on Tuesday, so I hope you will stop by and check it out!

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-JB

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New Series Coming in 2013


Earlier on in my blogging career, I created a series of my take on comic book characters as modern myths with a parenting slant to it.  I didn’t realize that among some other dads who appreciate my geekiness more than my wife does, they liked those.  This year marks the beginning of the second phase of the NERDgasm that will lead to the AVENGERS 2: Hulk Smash Purple Face (That’s my own title).

I have been kicking something around in my head for the last few weeks, because this year also marks the beginning of DC Comics’ Great White Hope, Superman!  I tried to do a single post about him, but there are so many angles and things about this one character to talk about that I will take me more than one post.  However, I am not going to start it until after DADuary this month, and the Superbowl early in February.

So stay tuned, because 2013 is the year of the Übermensch

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-JB

Get To Know These Guys!

#DADuary2013 Week 4: Connect to Other Dads


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C – Connect to other Dads – Find your support group next door or online

I don’t think it is as easy for guys to connect as it is for women, but I do believe that when we do make connections, ours a harder to break.  Guys have a strange way of testing one another, and it only gets stranger and harder to explain as we get older.  However, being a dad makes it a little easier to break through these unwritten rituals we run each other through.

Example #1: I worked with this guy and he was helping a very difficult student of mine so I initially didn’t see much of him.  However, when we did, we found that we had a lot in common. I’m 6-feet tall and played football in college, and he’s 6’4″ and wrestled in college.  I was already a father of 2 and he was about to have his first, but there was still something that was keeping in a professional relationship instead of an actual friendship. That missing component, for us, was our respective sense of humor.

Now, I am a really funny person because I have a friendly sarcasm.  However, I can’t really get along with anyone who I can’t have a back-and-forth banter with. Turns out, we would say comments towards one another to find out if the other was either 1) a D-Bag who takes everything too seriously, or 2) someone who can take a joke and give one back.  Our year consisted of cheesy jokes and pranks, inside jokes and honest conversations.   I worked with him for about a year and a half, and still keep up with him I since he’s gone back to school.

Example #2: The Dads Round Table. This is a group of Dad Bloggers that I was fortunate to be added into. We had been reading, commenting on, and enjoying one anothers’ personal blogs, and someone had the great idea to create something together.  I may be bias, but I think these are some of the best guys you would want to meet, and I told them that if they’re ever in my neck of the woods (Seattle) then the first beer would be on me.

Some other online dads to connect to (and  I mean more than just good blogs, but good people) are:

DadsRoundTable.com

8BitDad.com

BruceSallan.com

MyRadDad.com

MochaDad.com

HowToBeADad.com

Get To Know These Guys!

Get To Know These Guys!

More so than good guys to connect to, these are some of my favorite personalities to interact with on Twitter or wherever.  We can joke with and encourage one another, and that is what we all need, right?

I talked last year about creatinga support system, and the DadsRoundTable.com guys have given me a new outlet to challenge myself, and grow and I look forward to more in this coming year.

Who have you connected to?

-JB

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#DADuary2013 Week 3: The Daddy Day or The Date Night


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A.  Adventure out with the wife and/or family – Do something special for your wife, or with your kids.  

 

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This past December my brother and I took our daughters to see the Nutcracker ballet.  I enjoyed it, and our daughters did too.  This experience got me thinking about other Daddy-Daughter dates and reminded me of a conversation I had with my wife.  What kinds of activities should a dad do with his daughter?

The Nutcracker may be a new tradition with my daughter and I, but I want to share with her the things that I truly enjoy.  She has accompanied me to the Emerald City ComiCon in Seattle for a few years now, and she has gone with me to watch my old high school play football.  I won’t take her to get facials or a mani-pedi, but we will go have a hot dog and peanuts at a Husky or Seahawks game.

She gets to have “Mommy Days” and “Daddy Days”, and those days should be different.  As parents, we share ourselves with our children.  We share our passions and our interests.  We share for the opportunity for them to discover something to be passionate about.  This does not happen in front of a television, a computer, or a mobile device.

Your Week 3 Challenge: Get your kids/family out of the house!

-JB

GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME – NEW DADS – FACING YOUR FEARS OF FATHERHOOD


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Perception is everything. If you believe in yourself you can do almost anything. But if you don’t, you’re doomed for failure from the very start. However, when it comes to fatherhood, you don’t have the luxury of self-doubt. You’re in it to win it. Every second of every day you’re the quarterback and the game’s on the line. No handing off the ball either, because, sometimes, it’s just better to be “the man” and take one home for the team. It’s time to perform like a champion, and the pressure’s on you. What are YOU gonna do? Are you going to let your wife arm chair quarterback your relationship with your child, or are you going to take the ball and run with it to glory?

Well my friend, its time to manage the emotional roller coaster that is Fatherhood . It’s a game of respect, and you’ve gotta earn it… every inch of the way.

Look we all know no one expects much from a rookie, and it’s up to YOU to prove yourself. You have to show that you have the mental toughness and the stick-to-it-iveness to get the job done, or you might as well just run home and cry to your Mama. No one expects a New Dad to survive the first night in the hospital, let alone the first six months or even the first year, but you can prove all the naysayers wrong by giving it your all; digging deep and finding the strength within yourself to pull yourself together and make your contribution count. There is no “I” in team, so you better leave your attitude at the door and learn to suck up your pride. You’re a dad now, and all eyes are on you to be the hero in this game we call a new life.

 

Here’s what you need to succeed:

1) A GAME PLAN:

No man is equipped to take the mental and physical brow beating of first-time fatherhood, but there are several things you can do to prepare yourself to take the hits and keep coming back for more:

i) Read the playbook:

ii) Talk to the Veterans:

  •  Dad Blogs- read, learn, interact, get support

iii) Practice:

2) FOCUS:

Parenting well means keeping your eye on the prize, and resolving yourself to never waiver, and do everything it takes to take that football (the baby you’re cradling in your arms) to the endzone (college, marriage, success). The second you lose focus, the whole game plan goes to sh@#, and it’s your job to make sure that doesn’t happen.

i) Player Relations:

ii) Stress Management:

iii) Learning Your Strengths:

3)  A DRIVE TO SUCCEED:

The old “college try” doesn’t amount to a “hill of beans” when it comes to raising your kids. Do you have the guts to go all the way? Are you in it to win it, or just going through the motions? That is what you’re going to find out. If you ask me, you don’t have guts until you’re elbow deep in diarrhea, covered in puke, and rocking a colicky baby back to sleep for the fourth night in a row with no end in sight. But you have to find it in you to be more machine than man, and that’s what wins the game! Society doesn’t think you can do it, but your teammates (your wife and child) are counting on you. The clock is ticking. Get in there and make it happen!

i) Surmounting your obstacles:

ii) Overcoming you fears:

iii) Exceeding your own expectations:

You have the tools. You have the will. And you have the determination. Now, go and  fight for your right to be on that field! And, don’t take sh@# from anybody (no really, tell your wife to stick that dirty diaper in the Diaper Genie herself).

Show everyone, your wife, your parents, her parents, society, and, most importantly, your child, that you’re the man they all “hoped” you would be.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to help new dads find the resources they need to become better fathers. Fodder 4 Fathers merely provides third party links as examples and thus leaves it up to the reader’s discretion as to which information they choose to trust and incorporate in to their lives. As such, Fodder 4 Father’s will not be held liable for any information provided by third party links and the information they provide.

 

This post is brought to you for January DADuary 2013 by:

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No man is an island

#DADuary2013: Week 2


No Man is an island, but sometimes we tend to be repelling magnetic charges most of the time.

Week 2 of DADuary 2013 is underway and the challenge for this week, if you choose to accept it, is to Encourage Dads.  You could do this by doing something special for another dad.  It doesn’t have to be a big gesture either.  For me, I felt really encouraged the other day just by people starting to participate in DADuary.

As you look for ways to encourage other dads, do not forget the value in an honest word and a genuine compliment.

-JB

Remember The Beginning


A history forgotten will repeat itself.  In the context of the Dadhood, I LOVED the 0-6 months stages of my kids.  They didn’t do too much, they didn’t break anything, they didn’t vandalize our walls, and they didn’t cop an attitude with me.  They just ate. slept, and pooped; just a perfect existence.

Now that my kids are 6 and 3, which is far from being on their own, I found myself remembering the long road we all have enjoyed in getting to this stage in their lives.  As I took this quick jaunt down memory lane, i took the time to enjoy those memories and feel the feelings they brought up.

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I love my kids!  Becoming a dad was the best decision i did not actively make.  ;-)

I remember how cuddly and cozy these little pieces of me were, but I also remember the stress, and feel that I am happy with the two that we have.  I think our family is set.  However, if we have another before Dr. Snip can weld my baby-makers, I will be happy.  I don’t think I’m a natural-born dad, I just think I have the right support for me; both in real-life and online!

Though I enjoy all parts of the Dadhood, I really enjoyed the little baby stage.  What was/is your favorite part of the Dadhood?

-JB

Don’t forget to stop by and like the January DADuary Facebook Page and see what all is being said!