Category Archives: dadblogs

DadsRT Shield
Sep 30 2012

Someone Should Totally Make That… Oh wait! => #DadsRT


You know what would have been great as a social media dad who was getting into blogging and twitter, and the whole dad-blog universe?  If there was a group of well-known dad bloggers who got together to become a brain trust of honest feedback, experiences, and entertainment.  That would have been a great place to go and chat, brainstorm, meet other online dads, share stories, and get honest feedback that didn’t feel like cheesy tips and advice that was cut and pasted off of Wikipedia.

If someone made a place like that, it would be absolutely awesome!

Turns out, that’s exactly what we did.  It’s called DADS Round Table, and its a place to gather, learn, and be heard.  We were brought together because we enjoyed reading one another’s blogs and figured that as a group we could really become a great resource for fun, for discussions, and for sharing experiences.  None of us claim to be “Parenting Experts”, (doesn’t that just sound oxymoronic?), but what we do is share our experiences and stories and open the door for you to do the same.  We can learn from each other.

You Pigs Are Sexist Against Moms!

Actually, in our early talks, we realized that MOST of our readers were moms, and didn’t want to alienate them, but make sure they didn’t feel kicked out of yet another Good ol’ Boys club.  WE LOVE MOMS!  In fact, we all needed moms in order to become dads.  We also did not create this to be in some unfounded competition with momblogs, but because we just enjoyed each other’s blogs, and in turn we liked each other.

So this is my official invite to check out the DADS Round Table, meet some other bloggers, and join in on our discussions.

 

Everyone is welcome at the DADS Round Table, so pull up a seat.  

-JB

Jun 3 2011

Teach My Kids, Please!


As a dad, I look forward to the opportunity to pass on my knowledge and passions to my kids.  As a man, I think about the legacy I have been handed from my father (or father-figures), and the legacy I will leave for my children to embrace or shun.  One of the ways we dads are able to do this, is by teaching our children about the things we loved.  I played football in college, and it is assumed that I will teach my kids to love football as I did, and I will.  Will I be Will Farrell in Kicking & Screaming?  Not likely.  It is not football itself, or even winning that I want to teach my kids, but the character traits that playing sports, in general, can teach young people.  

Back to my topic, teaching and coaching our children is a way dads create lasting memories, solidify relationships, and build trust that will result in meaningful conversations in the tough teen years.  However, there are times when we may not be the best person to teach our kids certain skills.  I was asked to do a post about when as a dad, is it best to get someone else to teach our kids.  Someone ELSE teaching MY kids?  

The example presented was about a man having his neighbor teach his daughter to drive.  Teaching a child to drive is a rite of passage for both the parent and their kids.  Can the child survive the stress of a frantic parent warning of every parked car, loose rock, speed bump, mailbox, old lady, meteorite, body of water, sidewalk, gust of wind, floating leaf, dead animal, or any other “valid” driving hazard?  Will the parent be able to survive talking to a fifteen-year-old while seeing a three-year-old in the driver seat?  Who will come out on the other side smiling, and how damaged will the relationship be afterwards?  Should this have been left up to someone else; a family friend, or perhaps a professional stunt driver?  

Meet in the Middle:
I look forward to teaching/coaching football, whether my son plays or not.  However, I cannot stomach the thought of coaching level below high school.  Personally, there’s two reasons I feel this way: 1) if you’re playing in HS, then you know the commitment and drive needed to make it through a season, and 2) I love the subtleties in the strategies and and chess match of play-calling, and that is not necessary until HS.  I told my nephew to learn the fundamentals, and I’ll give him some extra help when he gets to HS.  This is the best I can think of as far as meeting my kids at a level I can handle.  Your knowledge needs to meet their receptivity to learn.  You cannot talk strategy unless the fundamentals and basics are set.  You cannot teach hitting a baseball to a certain spot before they can hit.  Don’t teach zone defense (basketball or football) unless they can already man-up and lock their opponent down.  Don’t say backside, weakside, deep-third, or any other strategy terms until the know left and right!  Meet them where they are.  

Methods, Styles:
What is your coaching/teaching method?  What is your child’s learning style? How well do your personalities mesh?  You MUST answer these questions before engaging in a stressful coaching situation (especially teaching how to drive) with you child or teen.  I am a kinesthetic and a visual learner, so having someone lecture me or just reading materials really doesn’t compute in my brain.  What helps me is to see what I am supposed to be doing (possibly in pictures) and then trying it out.  How do you teach?  Does it match or mesh with how your child interprets information?  Can you adapt your methods to meet their learning needs?  To use the driver’s ed example, how would you prepare your child for their first experience behind a wheel depending upon their learning style?  A visual learner may want you to jump in the driver seat and show them what to do. A Kinesthetic learner may want to just try it out in an empty parking lot.  An auditory learner may have lots of questions to talk through what to expect and what to do.  If you have a child who is a gamer, watch how they try out brand new games; do they look at the directions, go through the in-game tutorial, or just jump in and learn through trial and error?  

Relationship, Relevance, and Rigor:
All the moments we spend with our children are creating memories, and the way they will remember us.  Take the time to build your relationship with them first; they will have plenty of time to enjoy sports and have coaches who are NOT their dad yell at them.  Build relevance in the skills you want them to learn and something that interest them.  When your relationship is solid, and they are interested in what you’re teaching/coaching them to do, then you can raise the expectations and add rigor and push for growth.  
The Wrap-Up:
Our JOB as dads is to love our kids!  If anything detracts from that mission, then fix it!  


Thanks for stopping by!

-JB
May 22 2011

New Look, New Location, New Outlook


When I started this blog in October of 2010 (only seven months ago), there were conflicts in the perception of what Manhood is and what Dadhood is that I wanted to examine. I started with the intent of starting a social discussion of what it takes to combat the perverse ideas of manhood and social rites of passage that we are bombarded with in our youth against what it means to truly be a dad who values his wife, and tries to continue to grow, and love, and engage his kids. I like the mission statement that I wrote back in November, but I want to take a moment to revisit it, reflect on the journey thus far, and look at the road ahead.

Since beginning MvD, I have experienced some growth in areas I did not expect to see it. In how I deal with my mother, I have let go of being passive aggressive as a coping mechanism, and trying to be genuine in what I say to her, and hope for the best in response. Most Recently I have released my parents from needing to be perfect forever; their true character doesn’t devalue the effort they put out in raising me. I see myself, now, as being a good person because of them, and not in spite of them. Since I have been able to do these things, I can now move past rehashing the past, and I don’t feel like anyone owes me anything anymore. It is a freeing feeling.

Over the past seven months, MvD has been very beneficial to me. However, after a conversation with my very perceptive wife, I am not going to create a new mission statement, but I am going to refocus the blog to do what I set out for it to do. I took some time to come up with the following goals for MvD for the next 12 months:

  1. To examine what it takes to be a man, and what it takes to be a dad (and a husband when necessary), and discuss why the two do not always mesh.
  2. To get and share insight into dadhood from men I meet and men I admire on a weekly basis. “Dude-Tutors
  3. To get and share the perspective/impact of dadhood from wives and kids.
  4. Have fun with weekly series, guest posts, and sharing things that make me laugh. I will be looking as pop-culture examples of dads, both good and bad.

So here’s to the next 12 months with a renewed focus, and a clear outlook on the path to take with MvD. I do hope you will continue on this journey with me.

Apr 25 2011

For the Love of Money


I came across a blog contest posed by Memoirs of a Single Dad (@M_oa_SD) that asks bloggers to answer the question of why we are here: for love or for money.  

For me this is an easy answer: I’m not making any money, so I must be in it for love, right?  Well, there’s a lot of things I do for love and for the intangible rewards.  I workout, I teach Special Education, and I play city-league flag football with friends.  I have only been blogging as @ManvDadhood since October 2010, and have not quite built up my readership to the point of gaining anything monetary from it.  
So the question for me is, “If I was making money from my blog, what would I do differently?”  Would I do anything differently?   It’s hard to say, but I think that if I got to the point where my blog was no longer acting as the therapeutic outlet that it is now, then I would have to diversify my focus.  I have already posted about my more-than-awesome LG Vacuum, and I did a piece for Dadstalking.com, and I now have a bimonthly column on TheCaffeineCoquette.com, but even that is another opportunity to get some more thoughts out of my head on dadhood and manhood.  

What DO I want?

In the long-run, is it money or love that drives me?  Both can be intoxicating, and I think that if I try really hard to “take the high road” and do this for love, and then I get the opportunity to do it for money, I may miss a great thing by trying to force some moral code on blogging that may not be necessary.  Right now, I am enjoying myself.  I am connecting with some great people, and am getting myself out there.  Would i pass up an opportunity to get some extra perks from doing this?  Of course not, but would that then drive me?  I know myself, and I wouldn’t  

The intangible rewards have yet to be surpassed by pocket change.  

-JB

 
Feb 14 2011

A Blogger with MOJO!


When I started MvD, I was looking for dads to consult with, and to bounce ideas off of, and to connect with dads who were trying their best to be dads and a man.  When connecting with dads, it is reasonable to assume that you will come across some great moms as well.  One such mom is the author of the Mojo Mama Blog. 

She is one of the few people I’ve met since starting MvD that I’ve had the opportunity to have a real chat with.  We happen to cross online paths in the midst of adversity and stressful situation.  In these moments (though brief), her character became apparent.  She is a protective lioness who you don’t want to encounter when she’s on the hunt. 

I’m sure there are good and bad sides to ourselves that we are aware of, but an online identity allows us the freedom to shed some of our inhibitions and become amplified versions of ourselves.  In these moments of stress, and venting, she showed that she was a person who wants what is best for her family, she is willing to help others, but she is not willing to be walked over. 

I was glad she was willing to answer my interview questions, and I liked all her answers so much that I will just let you see what she wrote for yourself:

Backgound:

  • How long have you been working on Mojomamablog? – Just over six months now.  I added a widget on my sidebar to track the countdown to my blogoversary.  I’m not quite sure what it is I’m going to do when it comes, but I’m excited to hit my one-year!

  • Where did the name come from? – I had a friend that I’d been working with on some other projects, and she joked with me that I was the “Mama of Mojo”.  I had been reading some parenting blogs, and wanted a nickname to use to sign comments, so I started signing things MojoMama.  However, that wasn’t available on Twitter or as a website, so I tacked Blog on to the end of it, and both were available, so that works! :)  

  • Why did you start blogging? – I’ve blogged on and off for the last several years, and I’ve always loved the interaction with the other bloggers.  For a long time, I only blogged through LiveJournal, and as great as that is, and as intimate it is, I really prefer the more open blogging of the blog I have now.

  • Have these reasons changed or evolved over the years? – I’d say they’ve ebbed to different reasons, back and forth.  I first started blogging back in college, mostly on MySpace (hack hack) a long time ago.  And then I moved to some old blogging sites that some of my friends used.  Once I got pregnant with my older son, I moved to LiveJournal and got really involved there, and actively blogged there for several years.  When I first started, it was because it was fun, and a great way to stay in contact with old friends from school.  Once I started the LiveJournal, I had just moved to a new very small town with my husband for his work, and my doctor had me on a low-activity “diet” with my pregnancy, so I actively blogged there to interact with other people because I was lonely.  Then I blogged because it was fun, as my life became more active again.  And now?  I’d say that I blog for the interaction in the outside world as well as to reach out to other moms with kids like my son.  (A really long answer, I’m sorry!)

  • What are your plans or goals for your blog? – I’d love to be able to interact with lots of new people, and I really want to maybe help other moms who are looking to understand their kids with Aspergers, and figure out exactly what it is, and how it can affect their children.  That’s one of the big reasons I actually set up a tab on my blog specifically for Aspergers, different resources as well as specific posts I’ve written about it.  Right now, we’re really dealing a lot with it in our life, so my posts about it will very likely become more frequent.  There are several other bloggers that I read that have kids with Autism, and having a plethora of different moms out there who are dealing with it, I think, can really comfort some people who feel like they’re overwhelmed with their situation, knowing that there are other people out there who are or have gone through the very same thing.  I know it’s been comforting to me!

Parenting the Exceptional:

  • Can you describe your family (in whatever level of detail you like)? – My husband and I have been married for over five years now, and we’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s been a happy marriage.  Our older son, Turbo, was born three months after we got married — oh yes, I was barefoot and pregnant at my wedding — and is now 5 years old; three and a half years after that, we had our younger son, Bug, who is now 19 months old.  My husband — Mr. Mojo — is about half Mexican, with dark hair and dark eyes, but surprisingly, both of our boys came out with blue eyes, and red hair (with tempers to match!).

  • Are you willing to talk about your exceptional child? – Absolutely!  I’m actually surprised by how few people understand what Autism is, or even Aspergers.  Many people comment that they know someone with Aspergers, but many times don’t really know what it is.  I do my best to try and educate a little bit here and there.

  • How has raising an him changed he way you look at life? I am assuming it has changed because mine has changed just from working with exceptional children. – Oh, I would absolutely say so!  It’s even changed the way I LIVE my life.  Things are easiest and best when my son is in situations that are in control and low-stimulation.  So in our house, we don’t generally have a lot of loud noises, not a whole lot of high-impact situations.  Everything is a certain way, certain types of music, so it means having an mp3 player with a preset playlist for rides in the car, and very carefully mapping out our day, and what we’re doing, to try and make everything low-impact.  So when I, personally, get into a situation outside of our usual, it can be somewhat overwhelming for me too!

  • What is your favorite thing about each of your sons? – Turbo has got the most infectious laugh.  He finds the most random things absolutely hysterical.  And when he tends to have a fairly monotone way of talking, hearing his laugh just suddenly burst out at something that happens is like a ray of sunlight.  Sometimes, on a rough day where I could really use a smile, I’ll go over and tickle him just to hear him laugh.  He is probably the most ticklish child I have EVER met!  Bug is absolutely hysterical to watch throughout the day.  Just different ways he goes about the house, you can tell his mood simply by the way he walks!  If he’s feeling silly, he’ll walk kind of hunched forward, knees bent, and arms straight out behind him, like he’s taking off for flight.  If he’s proud of himself for something, he walks standing straight up, his hands clasped behind his back, like a little peacock strutting around the house.  And his emotions are always plastered across his face. 

MojoMamaBlog:

  • Who was or is your your intended audience? – Honestly, I don’t know that I really have an intended audience so much as just anybody who wants to read my blog.  I really enjoy interacting with everybody, but especially parents, because we all understand each other a bit better.

  • What do you hope a visitor to your blog leaves with, or leave knowing about you and your family? – My goal is to always make somebody smile, whether through my blog, my Twitter, or in real life.  So even if they don’t learn anything new, I’d love for them to have a smile.

  • What do you hope your regular followers get out of your blog? – I’m still figuring out the whole responding to comments thing, but I’d like to think that my followers know how very much their comments mean to me!  I hope they feel the appreciation that I feel when I get a comment on my posts, or how much their thoughts uplift me on particularly difficult posts.  I’d like them to not only get to know me, but I’d like them to feel some sort of camaraderie that I feel as well.

  • You said that you’re not that interesting, so I’m going to ask you why you think I wanted to do this about you? – Honestly, I have no idea!  Haha  When I initially saw your tweet, I didn’t realize that you truly wanted to interview me, I thought it was just one of those tweets that goes out to share a post, and maybe look for new topics?  I’m guilty of sending out a few of those.  I was flattered to know that you actually did want to interview me!  Of all the parents of special children, I find that I’m not one of the most interesting or entertaining, but it’s a work in progress, and it’s nice to know somebody sees the progress!

My Conclusion:
What I get from this Mojo Mama, is that she appreciates and understands the importance of relationships and interactions.  I am working on that.  I am a Special Education teacher and was drawn to the fighting spirit she has when her children are concerned.  I have come across many parents of exceptional children, but it was her fight for her kids that lets me know that they will be successful.  With a mom with this much mojo in your corner, wouldn’t you be?

Thanks again MojoMama,
JB

Jan 23 2011

A Question of Race


Do I want to bring RACE into the MvD equation? I don’t know. I am not afraid to discuss race with ANYONE. I do not believe racism does not exist. But there are other blogs that address the topic of being a Black father on a regular basis. Is that something I want to take on? Is being a Black father something that needs extra support, or something that has wrongly been given a bad reputation? Am I an exception to the norm, or am I part of a growing minority of Black fathers with their heads on straight? I don’t know… Thoughts?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Jan 14 2011

DADDY’SDOWN, BUT NOT OUT!


Getting to know Chris reveals a survivor…
After my [email] interview with Chris, the author of DaddysDown.com, I found myself with a deep respect for him. This is the kind of respect one has for an individual who goes through hell and comes through the other side a better person. For this reason, he reminds me of my own biological father, whom I’ve only known for the past seven years. He too was recently clean and sober when we met, and he had also endured some rough years. However, the man I met on this side of those hard times was a gentle gracious man I’ve grown to admire. Pulling yourself out of your own muck and mire, even with the help of friends, family, or faith, is an undertaking few have success with.
THE INTERVIEW:
Chris is what happens when you allow the harsh truth to stop making excuses for you, and you let it set you free. The one thing that attracted me to his blog was his About the Author section where he explains how he suffered from Paternal Post-Partum Depression (PPPD). Since I had never known anyone who had suffered from this, I was intrigued. I won’t go into it, because Chris does a great job in this section and in a recent post. However, this is something that does hit new fathers, and can be an isolating downfall for new dads who think they are failing their kids, and have nowhere to turn for help, for a helping hand, or for a way out. Chris has provided them this.
I strongly believe that we are not the mistakes we make in life, and that we are defined by how we respond to what life brings us. The insights Chris can bring as someone who has dealt with addiction (continues to beat addiction everyday), someone who has gone through PPPD, someone who has ADHD are numerous, and creates a platform to draw many to his site.
WHY DADDYSDOWN:
Chris has been blogging for about three years, and has been working on DaddysDown (in one form or another) for about a year and a half. The initial reason for the blog was to spread awareness about PPPD and to tell his own story about his experiences with it. However, the purpose of the blog has evolved in a natural way to address more issues of fatherhood. In Chris’ own words,
“Daddy’s Down described a father that was depressed or for lack of better terminology, down. It has since morphed into a commentary on how beat up I often feel as a father after a day of parenting, especially when I haven’t had my coffee. It also tends to create an image in people’s mind of this dad, passed out cold, down for the count. Daddy’s Down just seemed to continue to work when I changed the focus of my blog.”
Even though DaddysDown was not started as a brand, it has branding potential, and you could picture merchandise with the label on it someday. DaddysDown has many connotations to it, and I think it can mean a lot of different things related to fatherhood. Money is not Chris’ motivator, and has four main goals of his blog:
1. To tell my life story to the world so that they can learn from my mistakes and not have to learn from their own as well as learn from my successes so that they can experience their own.
2. To give dads a toolbox that they can use to be better dads and raise excellent children who will one day be better dads and moms.
3. To be a place to vent and hopefully have someone who will listen.
4. To be entertaining. I love nothing more than to make people laugh and smile.
While I would love to one day be able to make a little money by blogging, that would only be a byproduct of the four goals that I have listed.
KEEPING UP THE FIGHT:
Chris strikes me as a good man who continues to try and do better. Like any good man, he has a great woman behind him. He credits his forgiving and supportive wife with helping him remain accountable daily to being clean and sober. What a blessing. His children help to motivate him to stay clean, and much like every dad, he wants to be present, engaged, and able to remember their childhoods and watch them grow. Chris credits those in his life who loved him enough to pray for him for the fact that he is not currently in a gutter somewhere. “Thank God that HE is a God of second chances and forgiveness,” he says, “HE has put my wife and kids in my life, and I believe that HE uses them as daily reminders of how good I have it.”
One of the last questions I asked Chris was what lessons do you hope your children learn from your life? I liked his answer so much I will just quote it.
The answer is very short and simple: Be honest, be honorable, love God, and always do the right thing even if it hurts.
These are things that I wish I had learned as a kid and the lack of them caused me to travel through a very dark path in my life. That dark path is one that almost cost me everything. Had I only learned early on to be honest, be honorable, love God and always do the right thing even if it hurts, then my life would have been a whole lot easier up to this point. I would never want my kids to experience the things that I have experienced. They can avoid the pitfalls of my life by learning those four things.
I liked his answer because it has to do with creating a better life for his kids than he had, which is what fatherhood commissions every man to do. Thank you for your efforts Chris.
To his readers, Chris wants you to know the following things:
I want them to learn that a good cup of coffee and a big bear hug are essential to life. I want them to learn that you have take care of yourself if you want to take care of your family. I want them to learn that in the worst of times you can be assured that things will always get better. I want them to learn that being a father is a gift, but one that comes with much responsibility, The rewards however are endless. Most importantly, I want them to learn that God loves them and wants them to be happy.
Chris, thank you for your struggles and triumphs. Thank you for your efforts, and for your blog. Thank you for sharing your life with the world. And thank you for the DADTIFICATES they are one of my favorite parts of your blog. Keep them coming. And thank you from me for being my first dad blog interview!