Jan 19 2013

#DADuary2013 Week 4: Connect to Other Dads

C – Connect to other Dads – Find your support group next door or online

I don’t think it is as easy for guys to connect as it is for women, but I do believe that when we do make connections, ours a harder to break. Guys have a strange way of testing one another, and it only gets stranger and harder to explain as we get older. However, being a dad makes it a little easier to break through these unwritten rituals we run each other through.

Example #1: I worked with this guy and he was helping a very difficult student of mine so I initially didn’t see much of him. However, when we did, we found that we had a lot in common. I’m 6-feet tall and played football in college, and he’s 6’4″ and wrestled in college. I was already a father of 2 and he was about to have his first, but there was still something that was keeping in a professional relationship instead of an actual friendship. That missing component, for us, was our respective sense of humor.

Now, I am a really funny person because I have a friendly sarcasm. However, I can’t really get along with anyone who I can’t have a back-and-forth banter with. Turns out, we would say comments towards one another to find out if the other was either 1) a D-Bag who takes everything too seriously, or 2) someone who can take a joke and give one back. Our year consisted of cheesy jokes and pranks, inside jokes and honest conversations. I worked with him for about a year and a half, and still keep up with him I since he’s gone back to school.

Example #2: The Dads Round Table. This is a group of Dad Bloggers that I was fortunate to be added into. We had been reading, commenting on, and enjoying one anothers’ personal blogs, and someone had the great idea to create something together. I may be bias, but I think these are some of the best guys you would want to meet, and I told them that if they’re ever in my neck of the woods (Seattle) then the first beer would be on me.

Some other online dads to connect to (and I mean more than just good blogs, but good people) are:

Get To Know These Guys!

More so than good guys to connect to, these are some of my favorite personalities to interact with on Twitter or wherever. We can joke with and encourage one another, and that is what we all need, right?

I talked last year about creatinga support system, and the DadsRoundTable.com guys have given me a new outlet to challenge myself, and grow and I look forward to more in this coming year.

Who have you connected to?

-JB

Jan 11 2013

#DADuary2013 Week 3: The Daddy Day or The Date Night

A. Adventure out with the wife and/or family – Do something special for your wife, or with your kids.

This past December my brother and I took our daughters to see the Nutcracker ballet. I enjoyed it, and our daughters did too. This experience got me thinking about other Daddy-Daughter dates and reminded me of a conversation I had with my wife. What kinds of activities should a dad do with his daughter?

The Nutcracker may be a new tradition with my daughter and I, but I want to share with her the things that I truly enjoy. She has accompanied me to the Emerald City ComiCon in Seattle for a few years now, and she has gone with me to watch my old high school play football. I won’t take her to get facials or a mani-pedi, but we will go have a hot dog and peanuts at a Husky or Seahawks game.

She gets to have “Mommy Days” and “Daddy Days”, and those days should be different. As parents, we share ourselves with our children. We share our passions and our interests. We share for the opportunity for them to discover something to be passionate about. This does not happen in front of a television, a computer, or a mobile device.

Your Week 3 Challenge: Get your kids/family out of the house!

-JB

Jan 9 2013

GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME – NEW DADS – FACING YOUR FEARS OF FATHERHOOD

Image from “The Waterboy”

Perception is everything. If you believe in yourself you can do almost anything. But if you don’t, you’re doomed for failure from the very start. However, when it comes to fatherhood, you don’t have the luxury of self-doubt. You’re in it to win it. Every second of every day you’re the quarterback and the game’s on the line. No handing off the ball either, because, sometimes, it’s just better to be “the man” and take one home for the team. It’s time to perform like a champion, and the pressure’s on you. What are YOU gonna do? Are you going to let your wife arm chair quarterback your relationship with your child, or are you going to take the ball and run with it to glory?

Well my friend, its time to manage the emotional roller coaster that is Fatherhood . It’s a game of respect, and you’ve gotta earn it… every inch of the way.

Look we all know no one expects much from a rookie, and it’s up to YOU to prove yourself. You have to show that you have the mental toughness and the stick-to-it-iveness to get the job done, or you might as well just run home and cry to your Mama. No one expects a New Dad to survive the first night in the hospital, let alone the first six months or even the first year, but you can prove all the naysayers wrong by giving it your all; digging deep and finding the strength within yourself to pull yourself together and make your contribution count. There is no “I” in team, so you better leave your attitude at the door and learn to suck up your pride. You’re a dad now, and all eyes are on you to be the hero in this game we call a new life.

Here’s what you need to succeed:

1) A GAME PLAN:

No man is equipped to take the mental and physical brow beating of first-time fatherhood, but there are several things you can do to prepare yourself to take the hits and keep coming back for more:

i) Read the playbook:

What to Expect The First Year - THE MANUAL FOR SUCCESS!

ii) Talk to the Veterans:

Dad Blogs- read, learn, interact, get support

iii) Practice:

Dad Anti-Natal Groups/Classes – Find one in your area

2) FOCUS:

Parenting well means keeping your eye on the prize, and resolving yourself to never waiver, and do everything it takes to take that football (the baby you’re cradling in your arms) to the endzone (college, marriage, success). The second you lose focus, the whole game plan goes to sh@#, and it’s your job to make sure that doesn’t happen.

i) Player Relations:

ii) Stress Management:

iii) Learning Your Strengths:

The Importance of Fathers

3) A DRIVE TO SUCCEED:

The old “college try” doesn’t amount to a “hill of beans” when it comes to raising your kids. Do you have the guts to go all the way? Are you in it to win it, or just going through the motions? That is what you’re going to find out. If you ask me, you don’t have guts until you’re elbow deep in diarrhea, covered in puke, and rocking a colicky baby back to sleep for the fourth night in a row with no end in sight. But you have to find it in you to be more machine than man, and that’s what wins the game! Society doesn’t think you can do it, but your teammates (your wife and child) are counting on you. The clock is ticking. Get in there and make it happen!

i) Surmounting your obstacles:

Challenges Facing New Dads

ii) Overcoming you fears:

Dispelling the Fears of First-time Fathers

iii) Exceeding your own expectations:

100 Ways to Be a Better Dad

You have the tools. You have the will. And you have the determination. Now, go and fight for your right to be on that field! And, don’t take sh@# from anybody (no really, tell your wife to stick that dirty diaper in the Diaper Genie herself).

Show everyone, your wife, your parents, her parents, society, and, most importantly, your child, that you’re the man they all “hoped” you would be.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to help new dads find the resources they need to become better fathers. Fodder 4 Fathers merely provides third party links as examples and thus leaves it up to the reader’s discretion as to which information they choose to trust and incorporate in to their lives. As such, Fodder 4 Father’s will not be held liable for any information provided by third party links and the information they provide.

This post is brought to you for January DADuary 2013 by:

Jan 7 2013

#DADuary2013: Week 2

No Man is an island, but sometimes we tend to be repelling magnetic charges most of the time.

Week 2 of DADuary 2013 is underway and the challenge for this week, if you choose to accept it, is to Encourage Dads. You could do this by doing something special for another dad. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture either. For me, I felt really encouraged the other day just by people starting to participate in DADuary.

As you look for ways to encourage other dads, do not forget the value in an honest word and a genuine compliment.

-JB

Jan 3 2013

Remember The Beginning

A history forgotten will repeat itself. In the context of the Dadhood, I LOVED the 0-6 months stages of my kids. They didn’t do too much, they didn’t break anything, they didn’t vandalize our walls, and they didn’t cop an attitude with me. They just ate. slept, and pooped; just a perfect existence.

Now that my kids are 6 and 3, which is far from being on their own, I found myself remembering the long road we all have enjoyed in getting to this stage in their lives. As I took this quick jaunt down memory lane, i took the time to enjoy those memories and feel the feelings they brought up.

I love my kids! Becoming a dad was the best decision i did not actively make.

I remember how cuddly and cozy these little pieces of me were, but I also remember the stress, and feel that I am happy with the two that we have. I think our family is set. However, if we have another before Dr. Snip can weld my baby-makers, I will be happy. I don’t think I’m a natural-born dad, I just think I have the right support for me; both in real-life and online!

Though I enjoy all parts of the Dadhood, I really enjoyed the little baby stage. What was/is your favorite part of the Dadhood?

-JB

Don’t forget to stop by and like the January DADuary Facebook Page and see what all is being said!

Jan 1 2013

I Had No Idea

There are many things that can clutter our minds, weigh on our thoughts, and create stress in our lives. Having a child, increases all of these pressures exponentially. When my daughter was being born, I had taken about 4 years off off school and was, at the time, in my second to last trimester of my undergrad degree since going back. I chose to do my History Thesis paper during that trimester so I didn’t have such a HUGE stress on my mind during my last set of classes. At that moment, with a pregnant wife, commuting 2 hours each way to school, working part-time, and sleeping about 6 hours each night… that was a beautiful time. I had no idea what a baby would do.

I had no idea

Once this perfect little bottle of sunshine kicked her way into existence, Everything I thought I knew about anything changed. Sleep became more necessary, but harder to come by. My wife and I became more of a WWE tag-team than a married couple. The simplest errands became like packing for a road-trip, and road-trips turned into feeling like moving out for college. Everything just became… MORE.

I remember bringing her home from the hospital and just watching her. At that age they don’t do much, but just the pure and simple fact that she existed, and was right in front of us was awe-inspiring. For three days, we watched her sleep, we watched her breathe, we watched her poop, and we watched her eat. Our minds had literally been blown, and we needed that time to wrap our heads around what had just happened. I had 9 nephews and one niece, but my daughter was just… more.

I was 25 at the time of her birth, and I love all that she has brought into my life. I also love all that she has forced me to let go of in order to be and create what she needs. She is the 2nd most important woman in my life after my wife. She is the reason I began to call myself Dad.

-JB

Don’t forget to stop by and like the January DADuary Facebook Page and see what all is being said!

Dec 31 2012

January #DADuary2013 Begins!!!

Welcome to January DADuary 2013. Thanks in advance to everyone who participates!!!
Week One is to Respect the role of Dad – Find value in your position as a Dad.

Please remember to like and share your posts this month on Facebook.com/DADuary

I LOVE being a DAD, and here are some pics to start the week off of my beautiful bits of inspiration.

-JB

Dec 27 2012

Join Me for #DADuary2013 in Your Own Way

The holidays brings out the best and the worst in us, because we tend to spend it with our family. For better or worse, we increase the stressfulness of the holidays by multiplying it by a road-trip, and raising it to the power of in-laws. Well, congratulations, not only did you survive that, but also the end of the Mayan calendar. Kudos to you!

This is an open call to bloggers, writers, and anyone who has a heartbeat to ump in and participate in January DADuary in any way you can. It is a celebration of the Dadhood in all it’s forms: married dads, single dads, life-partner dads, divorced dads, step-dads, foster dads, adoptive dads, new dads, grand dads, Rich dads, poor dads, and the rest! The Dad Life is to be a celebration, not a punch line. DADuary will be that sort of celebration. The month that represents new beginnings will be a month of new focus on the things and people that matter most and a challenge to do even more for our families.

2013 is a Year to REACH Farther:

I do not believe that as Dads we should strive to be like Moms. We are different, and that does not mean we are better or worse, but just different. The idea to reach farther is calling for dads, ALL dads, to be more, and to raise the bar of the Dadhood during DADuary. Each letter of REACH corresponds to a theme for a week in DADuary:

R. Respect the role of Dad – Find value in your position as a Dad.

E. Encourage other Dads – Do something special for another Dad.

A. Adventure out with the wife and/or family – Do something special for your wife, or with your kids.

C. Connect to other Dads – Find your support group next door or online.

H. Be a HERO! Do something special for a child that is not directly yours!

How To Join In:

I would like to get a collection of posts to be able to share posts that relate to each theme throughout DADuary. If you would like to be a part of this, let me know. This is not about creating views for my own blog, so write something for your own blog and be sure to share it on the January DADuary FB Page, which can be used as the central hub for the month. If you want to write for my blog, great, and if you want to write for your own, please let me know so I can try to minimize overlap. Also, I have an official logo that you can copy and past on your site during the month, and/or add it to your post, that would help spread the news. If you share your writings on Twitter, then you can use the #DADuary hashtag as well.

Fill out this GOOGLE FORM and let me know just how you plan to be involved!

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to this year’s event!

-Joe B

Dec 27 2012

Sometime in 2013, I will…

As we coast though the New Year, and begin to make our New Year’s Resolutions, I invite you to take a moment and think about the men in your life. Consider the impact they have had in your life – whether positive or negative – and how their influence has brought you to this point in your life. As someone who has some issues with my dads, and the seemingly MORE negative than positive impact they had in my life, I am going to make the effort to genuinely thank them.

WHY? As a man, I did this with my Mom, and it released a LOAD of a burden I was carrying. Until I did that, I was angry on the inside and didn’t have a medium for release. I thanked my mom for her effort to raise me right – even though I didn’t really mature until I was away from her. As a dad, I need to do this, because I still carry insecurities about just how to be a dad, and know that I overcompensate in some ways.

Sometime in 2013 I will…

Thank my dads. I will thank my step-dad for, in spite of failing my siblings before me, trying so hard to show me how to work hard for what I want out of life. And I will thank my biological dad, whom I only met about 10 years ago, that kids need their dad around. I thought I was a complete person until 15 seconds into meeting him. There is something silently profound in literally seeing the other half of your genetic make-up.

The lessons I learned from these men come from reflecting on our relationships as a man and a dad, and it is only now that I have a son and a daughter of my own that I see these lessons. i now will need to say these things to their face.

-JB

Oct 22 2012

#DADuary 2013: REACH Farther

I am writing this post because I have a cause I am advocating for the month of January, and I would like to enlist your participation in January DADuary 2013: REACH Farther.

What is DADuary?

January DADuary is a celebration of the Dadhood in all it’s forms: married dads, single dads, life-partner dads, divorced dads, step-dads, foster dads, adoptive dads, new dads, grand dads, Rich dads, poor dads, and the rest! The Dad Life is to be a celebration, not a punch line. DADuary will be that sort of celebration. The month that represents new beginnings will be a month of new focus on the things and people that matter most; our families.

What Does REACH Farther Mean?

I do not believe that as Dads we should strive to be like Moms. We are different, and that does not mean we are better or worse, but just different. The idea to reach farther is asking dads, ALL dads, to reach father, and to raise the bar of the Dadhood during DADuary. Each letter of REACH corresponds to a theme for a week in DADuary.

R. Respect the role of Dad – Find value in your position as a Dad.

E. Encourage other Dads – Do something special for another Dad.

A. Adventure out with the wife and/or family – Do something special for your wife, or with your kids.

C. Connect to other Dads – Find your support group next door or online.

H. Be a HERO! Do something special for a child that is not directly yours!

How Can You Be Involved?

Each week has a theme. I would like to get a collection of posts to be able to share posts that relate to each theme throughout DADuary. If you would like to be a part of this, let me know. This is not about creating views for my own blog, so write something for your own blog and be sure to share it on the January DADuary FB Page, which can be used as the central hub for the month. If you want to write for my blog, great, and if you want to write for your own, please let me know so I can try to minimize overlap. Also, I have an official logo that you can copy and past on your site during the month, and/or add it to your post, that would help spread the news. If you share your writings on Twitter, then you can use the #DADuary hashtag as well.

Fill out this GOOGLE FORM and let me know just how you can be involved!

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to this year’s event!

Manhood v. Dadhood

Live It! Love It!

Category Archives: DADuary