Category Archives: Kids

boss mug
Sep 12 2012

I Guess… I’m Not the Boss?


I am at my brother’s house watching the kids in exchange for them watching mine.  It is a great deal for me, because my kids get to spend time with their cousins (most of them older) and I usually pass out on one couch or another.  Anyways, my two munchkins and two of their cousins (5 and 7 years old) were eating some chicken spaghetti made by, my sis-in-law when I stepped out of the office and my daughter wisely said, “My dad is the boss, now.”

“Now? I’m always the boss,” I said confidently.

Chuckles… they start chuckling and snickering, and then laughing.

“You’re not supposed to laugh at that!”

The laughing is uncontrollable now, and my confidence is shattered.

I guess, I’m not the boss…

-JB

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Jul 29 2012

Why Have A Voice & Not Speak For The Silenced (#CCRotary)


Why spend so many hours writing, tweeting, and pondering the gloriously under-appreciated of the Dadhood, and not put it to a good cause.  I was recently contacted through my About.Me page about coming to an event to raise money to treat and support victims of child abuse.  The event is the Courage Classic in Tacoma, Washington.

Their Facebook page says this:

Mission

The mission of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Pierce County is to reduce the traumatization of child abuse victims and their families by facilitating a collaborative multidisciplinary approach to prevention, investigation, prosecution and treatment of child abuse. All services for child victims of maltreatment are co-located in the Children’s Advocacy Center of Pierce County on the Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital and Health Center campus.

Company Overview

The Child Abuse Intervention Department (CAID) provides medical treatment, psychosocial support, legal advocacy and crisis intervention services for victims or child abuse and their families. CAID also offers strategies for the prevention of child abuse for parents and community groups through our various programs. 
100% of the revenues generated by Courage Classic goes back to the CAID, accounting for approximately 30% of the annual operating budget.

i am no blogging celebrity; I consider some of MY favorite bloggers to be that, but I have been asked to participate in a Twitter chat coming up this Tuesday from 5-6pm Pacific under the hashtag #CCRotary.  I hope you will stop by and check it out.

I am not a survivor of child abuse, and I cannot imagine the kind of person that does that to ANY child.  However, children are resilient, and anyway that we can support them, we should.

So, come by the Twitter Chat on Tuesday, and on Saturday the 4th, I’ll be tweeting pics and updates from the event.  Thanks for your support.

 -JB

Like-Father-Like-Son
Jul 9 2012

You Will Know Me By My Father


A funny thing happened while coaching Tennis Camp this week… I recognized a kid because I knew his dad. It’s funny to me because it wasn’t because he looks like his dad, but because he carries his father with him. I know the dad from Men’s breakfasts in our church and have heard how he talks about his sons, and how he coaches at a school in a neighboring town.

So when I was getting to know the kids in attendance, and we were talking about where they were from, and I don’t remember what the kid said, but suddenly everything came into focus. I recognized the team on his shirt as the team his dad coaches, and he mentioned going to our church, and his dads voice began to ring in my ears of the stories where he’s talked about trying to be a better man and dad for his sons. It all came into focus and I knew who their dad was, and I immediately felt like I knew the boys. There was an instantaneous camaraderie that came from knowing who their dad was.

They were carrying their dad with them, and we all do that, and we hope that our kids will always take our teaching with them. I didn’t have to ask them if “so-and-so” was their dad, because I knew. I knew them, because I knew their dad, and in knowing their dad, I knew their character and what to expect from them.
One of my favorite times of year as a teacher is Parent/Teacher Conferences. It is my chance to see where these kids I see every day get their strengths and weaknesses. It is my time to discover why they are the way that they are. For me, conferences are rarely about the grades or performance of the student, but it’s about getting the complete picture of who this student is. Being able to look mom and dad in the eye and interact with them lets me see family values, parental expectations, and home supports when I set my expectations for them after that.

My kids look like me, but my hope is that they will carry me with them; in their heart, in their values, and in their actions. I hope that someone who knows me can meet my kids and see me in them.

-JB

Jun 20 2012

Dad-Flicks: Happy Feet


This movie is cute and an Environmentalist commercial for PETA.  However, ignoring those obvious themes, it is a story about a father and his ability to deal with the decisions he has made, and the effect those decisions had on the man his boy as to become.

Maybe it’s because I watched this movie with my dad-eyes on and I saw the fears that old penguin had as he watched his boy life with the results of his inability to take care of his responsibilities at the appointed time.  Maybe I am reading to far into this children’s movie, but living with the sins of the father is a universally understandable feeling; we are all living with the burden of our parents choices on our shoulders.

How is it penguins (a bird hat can’t even fly) have the dadhood figured out more than we do? They understand the importance of male-bonding with the newborn (egg) and the dad’s role as a protector of that baby.  The huddle to endure the endless night is a great parallel to the onslaught fathers endure from society.  Dads need one another for strength and encouragement to endure, and sometimes they need to be surrounded and protected until they can endure the cold.

Initially, this movie was a bit weird t me, but it has OBVIOUS dad-issues in it that sometimes are worth exploring.

Thoughts?

-JB

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Jun 12 2012

My Take On Raising Boys


I read a great article about raising boys.  It reminded me of the radio interview I did with Bruce Sallan for January DADuary this year.  We talked about boys in the school and how they are not given a fair shake at learning.  The school system does not encourage boys growing into men.. not anymore.  If you know me personally (and not professionally) then you see an act I put on at school.  I am not the alpha-male I exude.  I am, in fact, a supportive person, and I feel that the best way to “support” the male populations in the school I go into is to create a male standard.  I am the center of my tyrannical despotic dictatorship that is my classroom.  Boys are surviving an injustice in the education system.  They need men around.  They need to be able to learn how to assert themselves appropriately) without tantrums, crying, whining, pouting, etc.  They need to learn the value of a firm handshake and a gentle word.

I am not saying that boys are being feminized, but I am saying that the boy is being weakened and unable to properly grow into manhood.  I am a strong believer that the strongest woman in the world cannot give a boy what a man can.  I can only illustrate this point in a personal story… I did not meet my biological father until I was 22; never met him, and couldn’t pick him out of a crowd.  I was raised by my step-dad from age 2, and he was a good dad… to me.  I did not think there was anything my own dad could give me that my step-dad couldn’t.  I mean, what would this sperm-donor of a stranger (which I once called him) have to offer me?  As it turns out… A LOT.  When I first met him, I sat at a table in my brother’s house and just looked at him as the two of them talked.  The first thing that impacted me was his hands… they were my hands.  [Brief History] I was a QB, an artist, and a writer.  Everything I did that I valued about myself stemmed from my hands, and in a moment I learned where those hands came from.  There was something unpredictable that I got from a man who I had known for literally 30 seconds at the time, and there is something highly profound that a man can give a boy that cannot be quantified.  I now have a great relationship with my biological dad.

I read this article, and I had this radio interview, and I had my dad experience, and now I have my own son to raise.  How do I do this?  What behaviors do I encourage, and what behaviors do I shape, and what behaviors deserve punishment? I do not have a formula for you, but I will go through the observations of the article’s author as she advises moms of boys.

1. Realize boys will, yes, be boys: you keep the toy gun away from the boy, but you can’t keep the boy from turning everything into a toy gun.

2. Respect his individuality: The apple doesn’t always fall far from the tree, but sometimes it does; accept it.

3. Refuse to fall prey to gender-based expectations: Roles have been blurred, and as the SAHD becomes more common, so may the boy who just wants to be a dad… just like his.

4. Help him deal constructively with criticism and prejudice: Be the small voice of encouragement your sons hears when he is being teased.

5. Foster diverse interests: Throw a lot of stuff at your boys and see what sticks.

I found out I was having a boy as my wife and I watched the Tudors (a Showtime Series).  Considering the fact that I would not create a new religion or behead my wife if we did not have a boy, I am glad we did, because now I have the great challenge of helping him find the man he is to become.

 

If you have a boy, what is the best part about raising boys, and what do you worry about?

-JB

May 17 2012

The Parental Potty-Mouth


This post has been inspired by my 2 year-old, DestructiCon.  Today, he wanted to call me and let me know he had farted.  The Wife had him text it instead, which he did. “I d. Farterd”

I am so proud.

I am flabbergasted by some of the conversations my wife and I have that revolve around the scatological processes of the young human body.  It starts in pregnancy when a bean-sized human begins growing and throwing off the female hormones, or Pregnancy Juices.  Then, our doctors told us to track the pooping patterns of our newborn to make sure it was the right color, consistency, and frequency.  Early on, the poop changes from a black tar-like substance to what can only be called… Baby-Dodo.  If you are breastfeeding your child, it has a tangy bite to the smell.  However, if you child is on formula, it smells like they found something dead and put it in their diaper.

As solids are introduced to the eating equation, the level of putrid-ness of the diaper grows.  There have been times where my son would not poo for a day, then the next morning there would be a pushing out of the cork, then Mt. St. Helens will erupt from his little tooshie soon after.  If you have not cleaned up poop from a place called “Everywhere” then you just have not lived.  My daughter was nice enough as a toddler to take her poop and spread it everywhere (I was finding more days after I thought I had cleaned it up), and my son crop-dusted the floor with droplets.

One of the worse experiences, is when your child eats what you eat, but is not yet potty-trained.  I often find myself looking for the grown adult who is dropping payloads into my kids’ diapers.  When it comes time to train your child to use the porcelain light at the end of the diaper tunnel, talking about poop and pee (and even cheering about it) becomes normal.  I can’t remember talking about farting and pooping and peeing this much since college, and I look forward to the day when that little face comes running around a corner screaming the 5 most magical words any parent could hear: I POOPED IN THE POTTY!

-JB

By JoeB • Posted in Kids
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May 16 2012

Spring Preview: Ducks of Summer


I downloaded the iMovie app for my iPhone and iPad, and LOVE it.  I get to feel super creative… More-so than I really am.  Here’s a preview I made on a sunny Seattle Spring day looking forward to the warm days spent on the Lake at the in-laws’ with the kids.

-JB

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Apr 7 2012

My Million-Dollar Family


When my wife told a co-worker that we had a girl and a boy, the woman made a statement, that I didn’t think about until that point.  She said we had a Million-Dollar Family.  I never considered how many people would only have had 2 kids if they had one of each gender out of the gate.  I have friends with 3 girls and friends wit 3 boys, and they LOVE their kids, but there is something to be said about throwing another gender into the mix.

I do remember that when we learned that our 2nd was going to be a boy, I said, “Sweet, we’re done.”  I would have been perfectly happy with 2 girls, but there was a certain sense of relief when I learned that we were going to have a boy.  PLUS, we were watching the Tudors at the same time and I was reassuring to my wife that I would not behead her if it was a girl.

In having a 1st-born girl and being married to a 1st-born daughter, I see a lot of similarities between my wife and daughter.  I see independence, responsibility, exploration, empathy, encouragement, and strength to branch out on her own.  As is the case in some older siblings, the oldest turns into a parent’s “helper”, and sometimes helps doing more than just helping.  I see and hear my daughter bossing her brother around… a lot.  Just last night I gave him a CD to play upstairs in their playroom, and moments later  hear him yelling and no music.  When I walked into the playroom, he was sitting on the floor upset, and she’s yelling “No!”  I asked why there’s no music playing, and she walked over to a high shelf and grabbed the CD I gave Destructicon.  I told her that I gave him the CD to put in and listen to, and asked why she took it from him, but her answer was that she didn’t remember.  I reminded her, once again, that she is his sister, and NOT his parent.  I wold much rather she helps him, than anything else.  I would rather she helps him make a big mess, than shout at him to clean it up… that’s MY job.  She gave him the CD, they danced together, the end… but not in my head.

I have to try and ignore all the thoughts that create correlations between my kids and my own siblings.  I was the youngest by almost 5 years, and everyone felt “responsible” for me.  My closest sibling even admits to helping to “raise” me, and my mom concurs.  This dynamic did not help me grow up with a strong sense of responsibility.  I was not a bad kid for other reasons, but I never put much thought into some of my choices.  My parents must have seen this, because when my siblings moved out after high school, I was about to start 8th grade, and my parents realized that they would not be able to handle me on their own, so they enlisted the help of a private catholic high school in Seattle.

My goal and my hope is to have two kids that conspire together against their parents, and bail one another out of situations and not have kids who resent one another.  The thing is, I don’t know how to encourage that.  I try to give them time apart and time together.  I try to give them a chance to be right and a time to be wrong.  I try to not just give-in to a screaming 2-year-old.  I try to make sure my daughter does not always have to clean up his messes or help with him.  I try to honor when she wants something just for her.  Not sure what else to do though, because my siblings were always in competition with one another, and i don’t want to continue that.

IDEAS?

-JB