I am pleased to introduce one of my Twitter friends. She goes by @ellemenopee, and her blog is called Off My Mama Rocker. Twitter allows for a fun environment to engage in some witty banter with others who can keep up. I enjoy any opportunity to feel like a smart @$$, but Erica and a couple others keep me in check. Twitter also only allows you to get so deep into a conversation with the people e come across. That’s why there are Twitter Parties, and opportunities like this to do guest posts. I think what I like most about this post is not that it is about the rings, but the symbolic meaning of the rings. I also want to extend a thank you to Erica for doing this guest post and providing this ManBlog with another voice than mine.
I have always adored my rings. When my husband asked me to marry him, I knew exactly what I wanted my ring to look like. He got pretty close to what I wanted and I was pretty ecstatic to pick out the matching wedding band. I found the perfect one. I loved the way it looked on my finger and hand. I have small hands and it just suited it. I wore my rings with such pride, I never wanted to take them off and never did. I would have them cleaned once a year and felt like a million bucks blinding the world when I’d walk out of the jewelry store that day.
I hate the day I realized I couldn’t wear them anywhere because sausages had replaced my fingers when I was pregnant with the Twinadoes. Not to mention that I got that pregnancy rash no one seems to have heard of because people look at me like “PUPPS?!” why are you calling your children pups? Sigh. It was awful. I itched all over. Thinking about it makes me itchy. Think of chicken pox. Yeah. Anyway, I’m getting off topic here. I had to remove my precious rings. I was so sad. I’d go and try to put them on daily without fail praying that the water retention Gods would have mercy on my fingers. Nope.
As soon as I gave birth, my sausage fingers improved and I was able to put them back on and happily did. I felt so naked and bare without them. I was reunited once again. I realized though, that they seemed a bit “snug” so I had them refitted and parted with them for a bit longer til they came back, my size and perfect. I was SO happy. Luckily, I did not swell with my son (or get PUPPS) so the rings remained.
Then last year happened. The day my husband walked out the door, I was so hurt I couldn’t think…then, quite the opposite happened and all I could do was think. When it was evident that he was not coming back home, it wad real and happening, I sadly looked at my hands as I cried in them. I looked down at my tears soaking the rings I loved. The rings I couldn’t part with. They didn’t look the same, they didn’t seem to be for me anymore. It didn’t seem right that I continue to wear a symbol of what I no longer felt I had. I sat at the edge of my bed, our bed, and I removed them one by one and held them tight. I remember thinking “what if I never out them on again?” That moment sticks with me well. I walked over and let them slide out of my hands into my husband’s side of drawers and listened to them thunk, thunk, one by one into the empty drawer. I looked at them and shut the drawer. I felt like it was so symbolic of what was happening in my life. Empty, alone, sad, closed.
He is back home. He’s been home. We’ve been working on things quite well for the majority of this year. It was hard, it is hard. It was challenging, it is challenging. It was letting go, it is letting go. It was forgiving, it is forgiving. It was realizing one day that my hand, felt naked again. I felt that feeling of missing something. I felt like I had forgotten something. I realized my hand was missing my rings. I walked back over to the drawer, I opened it and there they were, my two rings…and his. Sitting there. Waiting.
Maybe this is silly, but to me, it isn’t. I want to wear them again. I feel like I can wear them again. I fee, like I have a marriage to wear them for again. Thing is, I want him to ask me all over again. I am a hopeless romantic and want so much for him to whip them out and put them back on my hand where they belong. I want to put his where it belongs. I’ve shared that with him. He knows how I feel. And like a true man, he said “just wear them again!”
I’m holding onto hope. I want to get him another ring. The ring he has in the drawer with mine is one we exchanged when we were first married by the JOP. I am sad to say the one we exchanged when we had our “big wedding” was lost. It was a great ring too. He had lost some weight and it wasn’t fitting right, it slipped off and he couldn’t find it. Upsetting time for all I must say. The one that is there is nice, it had meaning, but I want a new one for him, just like the new start we have with us. A girl can dream but a rock upgrade would be nice and it will be our 10th wedding anniversary in April. We’ll see. Upgrade or not, I love my rings. I miss my rings. And if he doesn’t get them out by our anniversary, them I will, and I will ask for what I need and I know it won’t mean any less.
I just want my rings.
– Erica Sosa
When I started MvD, I was looking for dads to consult with, and to bounce ideas off of, and to connect with dads who were trying their best to be dads and a man. When connecting with dads, it is reasonable to assume that you will come across some great moms as well. One such mom is the author of the Mojo Mama Blog.
She is one of the few people I’ve met since starting MvD that I’ve had the opportunity to have a real chat with. We happen to cross online paths in the midst of adversity and stressful situation. In these moments (though brief), her character became apparent. She is a protective lioness who you don’t want to encounter when she’s on the hunt.
I’m sure there are good and bad sides to ourselves that we are aware of, but an online identity allows us the freedom to shed some of our inhibitions and become amplified versions of ourselves. In these moments of stress, and venting, she showed that she was a person who wants what is best for her family, she is willing to help others, but she is not willing to be walked over.
I was glad she was willing to answer my interview questions, and I liked all her answers so much that I will just let you see what she wrote for yourself:
- How long have you been working on Mojomamablog? – Just over six months now. I added a widget on my sidebar to track the countdown to my blogoversary. I’m not quite sure what it is I’m going to do when it comes, but I’m excited to hit my one-year!
- Where did the name come from? – I had a friend that I’d been working with on some other projects, and she joked with me that I was the “Mama of Mojo”. I had been reading some parenting blogs, and wanted a nickname to use to sign comments, so I started signing things MojoMama. However, that wasn’t available on Twitter or as a website, so I tacked Blog on to the end of it, and both were available, so that works!
- Why did you start blogging? – I’ve blogged on and off for the last several years, and I’ve always loved the interaction with the other bloggers. For a long time, I only blogged through LiveJournal, and as great as that is, and as intimate it is, I really prefer the more open blogging of the blog I have now.
- Have these reasons changed or evolved over the years? – I’d say they’ve ebbed to different reasons, back and forth. I first started blogging back in college, mostly on MySpace (hack hack) a long time ago. And then I moved to some old blogging sites that some of my friends used. Once I got pregnant with my older son, I moved to LiveJournal and got really involved there, and actively blogged there for several years. When I first started, it was because it was fun, and a great way to stay in contact with old friends from school. Once I started the LiveJournal, I had just moved to a new very small town with my husband for his work, and my doctor had me on a low-activity “diet” with my pregnancy, so I actively blogged there to interact with other people because I was lonely. Then I blogged because it was fun, as my life became more active again. And now? I’d say that I blog for the interaction in the outside world as well as to reach out to other moms with kids like my son. (A really long answer, I’m sorry!)
- What are your plans or goals for your blog? – I’d love to be able to interact with lots of new people, and I really want to maybe help other moms who are looking to understand their kids with Aspergers, and figure out exactly what it is, and how it can affect their children. That’s one of the big reasons I actually set up a tab on my blog specifically for Aspergers, different resources as well as specific posts I’ve written about it. Right now, we’re really dealing a lot with it in our life, so my posts about it will very likely become more frequent. There are several other bloggers that I read that have kids with Autism, and having a plethora of different moms out there who are dealing with it, I think, can really comfort some people who feel like they’re overwhelmed with their situation, knowing that there are other people out there who are or have gone through the very same thing. I know it’s been comforting to me!
Parenting the Exceptional:
- Can you describe your family (in whatever level of detail you like)? – My husband and I have been married for over five years now, and we’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s been a happy marriage. Our older son, Turbo, was born three months after we got married — oh yes, I was barefoot and pregnant at my wedding — and is now 5 years old; three and a half years after that, we had our younger son, Bug, who is now 19 months old. My husband — Mr. Mojo — is about half Mexican, with dark hair and dark eyes, but surprisingly, both of our boys came out with blue eyes, and red hair (with tempers to match!).
- Are you willing to talk about your exceptional child? – Absolutely! I’m actually surprised by how few people understand what Autism is, or even Aspergers. Many people comment that they know someone with Aspergers, but many times don’t really know what it is. I do my best to try and educate a little bit here and there.
- How has raising an him changed he way you look at life? I am assuming it has changed because mine has changed just from working with exceptional children. – Oh, I would absolutely say so! It’s even changed the way I LIVE my life. Things are easiest and best when my son is in situations that are in control and low-stimulation. So in our house, we don’t generally have a lot of loud noises, not a whole lot of high-impact situations. Everything is a certain way, certain types of music, so it means having an mp3 player with a preset playlist for rides in the car, and very carefully mapping out our day, and what we’re doing, to try and make everything low-impact. So when I, personally, get into a situation outside of our usual, it can be somewhat overwhelming for me too!
- What is your favorite thing about each of your sons? – Turbo has got the most infectious laugh. He finds the most random things absolutely hysterical. And when he tends to have a fairly monotone way of talking, hearing his laugh just suddenly burst out at something that happens is like a ray of sunlight. Sometimes, on a rough day where I could really use a smile, I’ll go over and tickle him just to hear him laugh. He is probably the most ticklish child I have EVER met! Bug is absolutely hysterical to watch throughout the day. Just different ways he goes about the house, you can tell his mood simply by the way he walks! If he’s feeling silly, he’ll walk kind of hunched forward, knees bent, and arms straight out behind him, like he’s taking off for flight. If he’s proud of himself for something, he walks standing straight up, his hands clasped behind his back, like a little peacock strutting around the house. And his emotions are always plastered across his face.
- Who was or is your your intended audience? – Honestly, I don’t know that I really have an intended audience so much as just anybody who wants to read my blog. I really enjoy interacting with everybody, but especially parents, because we all understand each other a bit better.
- What do you hope a visitor to your blog leaves with, or leave knowing about you and your family? – My goal is to always make somebody smile, whether through my blog, my Twitter, or in real life. So even if they don’t learn anything new, I’d love for them to have a smile.
- What do you hope your regular followers get out of your blog? – I’m still figuring out the whole responding to comments thing, but I’d like to think that my followers know how very much their comments mean to me! I hope they feel the appreciation that I feel when I get a comment on my posts, or how much their thoughts uplift me on particularly difficult posts. I’d like them to not only get to know me, but I’d like them to feel some sort of camaraderie that I feel as well.
- You said that you’re not that interesting, so I’m going to ask you why you think I wanted to do this about you? – Honestly, I have no idea! Haha When I initially saw your tweet, I didn’t realize that you truly wanted to interview me, I thought it was just one of those tweets that goes out to share a post, and maybe look for new topics? I’m guilty of sending out a few of those. I was flattered to know that you actually did want to interview me! Of all the parents of special children, I find that I’m not one of the most interesting or entertaining, but it’s a work in progress, and it’s nice to know somebody sees the progress!
What I get from this Mojo Mama, is that she appreciates and understands the importance of relationships and interactions. I am working on that. I am a Special Education teacher and was drawn to the fighting spirit she has when her children are concerned. I have come across many parents of exceptional children, but it was her fight for her kids that lets me know that they will be successful. With a mom with this much mojo in your corner, wouldn’t you be?
Thanks again MojoMama,