Sep 10 2011

#September11 Reflection

spiderman-911

capn fight terror

I did not want to post real pics of the actual event. I saw some footage recently, and it took me back 10 years.

I just want to take a quick moment to remind us of how this is a moment to overcome fear in ourselves and to combat terror, not cultures.

Take this as an opportunity to educate the youth, who do not understand what this day was, or what it means.

-JB-

Aug 8 2011

ManSong – Little Moments

Hello fellow readers of Manhood v. Dadhood! My name is Matt P., and I am a fellow daddy-blogger over at The Real Matt Daddy where I have new posts every Tuesday and Friday. One of the features I love about the MvD site is the Man Songs section. JB does a great job of bringing us the best of the music he’s currently listening too and extracting golden nuggets of man/dad wisdom for us to ponder. However, I have noticed that JB doesn’t have any country songs on his Man Songs page! Shocker, right? I actually don’t like country music very much either, but there is one guy that I will listen to just because I respect his amazing ability to play the guitar and write clever songs. So, I thought I would take the opportunity to cowboy-up this page a little bit with a guest post Man Song by Brad Paisley.

As a man, the song that really hits me every time I hear it is Brad Paisley’s “Little Moments.” I loved this song from the very first time I heard it. I was just starting to date the woman, who would become my wife and the mother of our little girl, and I didn’t realize it then, but it was describing how I felt when I was with this amazing woman who was stealing my heart. Looking back at our life together so far, this song means more and more to me every time I hear it.

The song gracefully describes several “shared” moments between a man and his woman that capture his heart. He ends each verse with the line, “Yeah, I live for little moments like that.” And it is so true! As a man, I don’t tend to think about my relationships to my wife and daughter in terms of emotions, although I certainly have strong ones for them. I seem to define them with the memories of shared experiences that changed my heart. Yes, I remember what I felt the first time I kissed my wife when we started dating, but what I love about that moment was that it was a shared event. It was the first time I felt that I had a partner that I wanted to share the rest of my life with. I remember lots of adventures together over the past ten years that were totally random and unplanned, but I had a great time sharing those experiences with her. And now that our daughter is in our lives, I do say that I love her to pieces, but what I cherish are remembering all of her “firsts” (walking, speaking, passing gas and laughing at it, etc) and the things she says or does every day that make my wife and I crack up laughing. These moments are like a bank of videos that I can replay when I want to remember our lives together, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

I think this song expertly captures the way that guys tend to put value on relationships that matter. We don’t always think about the very emotional moments in the relationship. It’s the simple things that make us fall in love with our wife and kids all over again. For us, those “Little Moments” that happen every day keep us committed and engaged. We live for those moments that don’t always stand out to our wives. Yes, honey, we loved our wedding day, but I bet that most guys would have stronger ties to the day they proposed and she said “yes” to him. Moments where his wife agreed to join him on his journey are something very special to a man, and I don’t think I’m alone here. If you haven’t heard this song, please give it a listen, and read along with these lyrics. Feel free to comment on this post, and don’t forget to check out The Real Matt Daddy if you have time. Thanks to JB for letting me have a little bit of space here to share something special with his audience.

Little Moments
By: Brad Paisley

Well, I’ll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can’t even remember now what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red
And she just looked so darn cute
I couldn’t even act like I was mad
Yeah, I live for little moments like that

Well that’s just like last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burned the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was goin’ off
And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see me laugh
Yeah, I live for little moments like that

I know she’s not perfect but she tries so hard for me
And I thank God that she isn’t cause how boring would that be
It’s the little imperfections; it’s the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we’re lost but holdin’ hands
Yeah, I live for little moments like that

When she’s layin’ on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it ‘cause it’s tinglin’ and it’s numb
But she looks so much like an angel that I don’t wanna wake her up
Yeah, I live for little moments
When she steals my heart again and she doesn’t even know it
Yeah, I live for little moments like that

Jul 13 2011

ManSong – Welcome to Heartbreak

Kanye West is a world-class sociopath. However, he is a talented musical artist, and that is all I want from him. I am a fan of his music, but he does need some better social etiquette. That said, I was riding m y bike today and this song came on in the playlist. I like this song for many reasons: the beat, the feel, and the content.

Why Is This A Man Song?

To be honest, it reminds me that I’m not missing out on anything because I chose the route of the Family Man. Would I like to be 30 and still hitting the bar-scene? Yes, but I’m glad to not be looking for companionship there. Is there any path I wish I had taken? Possibly, but for me that has to do with collegiate athletics more than where I am now in life. This song is a reminder that the grass may look greener, but to remember that not every man gets to have everything he wants out of life, and that the biggest regrets at the end tend to center around missed family opportunities.

As you read these lyrics, as a dad, a husband, as a single boy or man, think about what Kanye is saying in the face of the commercial and monetary success he has achieved in his life.

“Welcome to Heartbreak” – Kanye West

My friend showed me pictures of his kids

And all I could show him was pictures of my cribs

He said his daughter got a brand new report card

And all I got was a brand new sports car, oh

And my head keeps spinning

Can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

Dad cracked a joke, all the kids laughed

But I couldn’t hear him all the way in first class

Chased the good life my whole life long

Look back on my life and my life gone

Where did I go wrong?

And my head keeps spinning

Can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it before

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it before

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it before

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it before

Oh my God, sister getting married by the lake

But I couldn’t figure out who I’d wanna take

Bad enough that I showed up late

I had to leave before they even cut the cake

Welcome to heartbreak

And my head keeps spinning

Can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can’t stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

And I and I can’t stop

No, no, I can’t stop

No, no, no, no, I can’t stop

No, no, no, no, I can’t stop

Can’t stop, I can’t stop, I can’t stop

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, no

No, no, I can’t stop

I can’t stop having these visions

I gotta get with it

Jun 17 2011

ManSong – I Was Here by BEYONCE

I was caught off-guard by a song on Beyonce’s newest album entitled “4″. She has a song called “I Was Here.” It is a beautiful song, and I am claiming it as a Man Song because of what it says. The main idea behind of the song is illustrated within the first verse:

When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget

When talking about Manhood and Dadhood the idea of the legacy we will leave behind is evident in what we do. A major factor in what separates the man from the boy he used to be, or the dad from the dad he could be is a conscious effort to leave a positive legacy for his children, and their children; it is not to live in the past, but for the future.

I wasn’t planning on posting this today, but this song happened to come on, and i wanted to share it!

[LYRICS]

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget

I was here…
I lived, I loved
I was here…
I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here…

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody’s life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here…
I lived, I loved
I was here…
I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here…

I was here…
I lived, I loved
I was here…
I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here…

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to hapiness
Left this world a little better just because…

I was here…

I was here…
I lived, I loved
I was here…
I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here…

Thanks for coming by.

-JB

Jun 14 2011

The Hulk – Modern Mythology

Who is HULK?

Dr. Bruce Banner is a scientist who was contracted with the military. There are several origins that differ, but the results are the same. In one origin, he was developing a gamma bomb, but was caught inside the blast radius. In a more recent origin, Dr. Banner was unknowingly apart of a Super-Soldier program and was working on making soldiers resistant to radiation; such as gamma radiation. He was so sure if his work that he tested it on himself. Both origins (and many others out there) have the result of exposure to gamma radiation as what turns Dr. Banner into the HULK.

How HULK Human?

The Hulk plays on a fear of letting go of our inhibitions, our reservations, and our self-control. What kind of monster lays dormant at our core? When we are pushed to our limit, what aspects of our character come to the surface? The Hulk is described a pure power fueled by rage. However, the Hulk is misunderstood, but Dr. Bruce Banner, and by the world. Dr. Banner assumes that the Hulk is separate from himself; a monster that was created by the gamma exposure. Instead, the Hulk is a part of Dr. Banner, and vice versa. Banner does not see this, the military sees him as a possible weapon, and the world thinks he’s a monster.

Why HULK Important?

The Hulk is not triggered by anger, but an elevated heart rate. If I was Dr. Banner, I would ALWAYS be angry, and therefore ALWAYS the Hulk. His research was ruined, his girl is the daughter of the general who’s hunting him, and he can’t keep a decent pair of stretchy purple pants from tearing at the knees. I would Hulk-Out all the time!

The Hulk is not a monster, but a metaphor… a big metaphor. He represents untapped potential that we all have inside of us. The potential inside Dr. Banner is so great that he doesn’t even recognize it as himself. However, the Hulk doesn’t become truly great until he starts to accept the potential that he has and use it for good.

HULK Smash!

In my own life, the Hulk that was waiting inside was the dad I am to become. I worry that there is this great Hulk inside with the potential to make all the wrong choices my dad and stepdad have made in life. The best thing I can do, is find acceptance, and make it a motivator to use that hulking potential to be a better dad than they were, and have a better relationship with my kids than they do with theirs.

What is inside you waiting to come out? How can that Hulk-potential benefit you?

Comment below!

-JB

Coming next: Captain America!

Jun 9 2011

My Wife Kicks [my] Butt!

One In a Million… Aaliyah

The other day while listening to a Pandora playlist, an Aaliyah song came on and it was extremely nostalgic to me. I told the Wife that it gave me a very vivid memory of sitting at my desk in my room in high school and reading a brand new comic book with just the lamp on my desk on and the radio playing in the back ground. For her, she said, it reminded her of when we hung out for a full Summer because it was soon after Aaliyah died and they were laying all her music on the radio.

This took us back to some very calm and simpler moments in our lives; one of which was a starting point to our relationship. For a few moments, we danced to the sounds of that song and the memories in our heads, and ignored the two kids running amuck around us. For a moment, we were college sweethearts again. I remember the kid I was in high school and through college, and I think of the guy I’ve become. I remember the hopeless romantic I was, and how much my wife would love to have experience that side of me, and I wonder what happened to that blindly idealistic youth. Then, I remember the choices that killed that idealism, and how I buried the overly romantic in exchange for the persistent cynic.

Behind Every BIG Man…

Anyway, this wildly nostalgic song comes on, and we both remember our youth, and soon find ourselves acting like immature youths in love. I would like to say that it was the 10-pound lighter version of me I’ve been sporting, but even this baby-fat sporting version is still 30-pounds more than the version of me that was dancing in her head when that song came on. This post is not about losing weight, or external appearances, but the places our minds go when we think back to the uninhibited beginnings of our relationships.

I’ve heard this with old married people, and I’ve heard this from my wife; love me like in the beginning. I am going to post some pics on here, to let you know just how much a stagnant husband and dadhood effected me on the outside. What I didn’t know, is that it was effecting me internally. I knew I was not as attractive to my wife, and I knew that I was not healthy, but I had let go of those childish things of the past, and I had gained responsibilities and stress… not excess weight. I had become more to love, a big teddy bear. I had let the low expectations for my outward appearance effect the husband I as becoming, and the dad I could have been.

…Is a Kick-@ss Woman

I think it is fitting that the song that sparked this was “One In a Million” by Aaliyah, because that is how I feel about my wife. She loves me enough to kick me in my big butt when I need it, and still push me when I give her an attitude worthy of the Terrible Twos. Yes we have kids, and they can make it harder to be active, and they can make it harder to be romantic, but they are not an excuse. I am by no means fluent in romance, but if anything, I will do my best not to ruin a spontaneous romantic moment that we may stumble upon (but I still do with my smart mouth sometimes). I am not ripped, yet, but I’m getting myself healthier. The best things about me (for instance, my kids) are attributed to my wife. I NEED to figure out the right way to thank her, because flowers and chocolates just seem too cliche to be enough.

Where has your wife been a source of inspiration, encouragement, or butt-kickedness? How did you thank her for being that muse?

Comment below!

-JB

Jun 8 2011

Green Lantern – Modern Mythology

Who is he?

His name is Hal Jordan, and he has been recruited/chosen to be the first human to join an intergalactic police force called the Green Lantern Corps. There is a whole spectrum of Lantern Corps with their own essence, or trait needed to power them: green (willpower), yellow (fear), violet (love), red (rage), blue (hope), orange (greed), indigo (compassion), black (death), and white (life).

Death, Rage, Greed, Fear, Will Power, Hope, Compassion, Love, Life

How does he reflect on our humanity?

The Green Lantern is one of the most powerful characters in the DC Comic Universe, but he is a part of something bigger than himself. He gets his strength through allegiance to a belief and follows the Green Lantern Oath:

In brightest day, in blackest night,

No evil shall escape my sight

Let those who worship evil’s might,

Beware my power… Green Lantern’s light!

At his core, The Green Lantern shows us that we are never trapped, that we are never stuck, that we can overcome, and that we can accomplish great things if we tap into our will power and imagination. If you look at the above spectrum pictured, then you have the ability to chose your own path from a starting point (Will Power) in the middle. From this point we can become someone who creates life, death, or anything in between.

Why is he important?

The Green Lantern has a power ring that makes whatever he can imagine a reality, and it is powered by his own will. He is then put one the same playing level as an Amazonian princess (Wonder Woman), the fastest being alive (The Flash), and the most powerful individual in comics (Superman). The Green Lantern is important, because his superpower is his HEART. It is not his money, it is not the Yellow Sun, it is not his heritage, it is not a science experiment or a mutation. His superpower is our superpower. He was chosen, much like Moses in the Bible, and he was accepting of this choice.

The Green Lantern Movie

I have nothing but hope for the Green Lantern Movie, but the character is so beloved by fans and so complicated for general audiences, that is needs to be EPIC in order to win either crowd over. I have high hopes for the character’s theatric potential, but not for this particular movie.

May 28 2011

Man Song: TeachMe by Musiq

Another one of my favorite songs came on today, and it made me realize that it in fact a Man Song. This song speaks to the communication rift between men and women and how it manifests in how we differently show how we love one another. The artist explains how we [men] are taught one way in society to be a man to the women we love and the families we lead.

Enjoy, and tell me what you think!

[verse 1]
I was told the true definition of a man, was to neva cry,
work till you die (yea), got to provide (yea),
always be the rock for my fam,
protect them by all means and give you the things that you need. baby.
Our relationship is sufferin tryna give you what I neva had
you say I don’t know how to love you babe, well I say show me the way,
I keep my feelings deep inside I, shadow them with my pride I,
I’m tryin desperately baby just work with me.(chorus)
Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I’m so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me. show me how to love
show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I’m so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me (how to love)

[verse 2]
I was always taught to be strong, neva let ‘em think you care at all,
let no one get close to me, before you and me.
I done shared things wit you girl bout my past,
(that I’d neva tell), to anyone else (no), just keep it to myself (yea).
Girl I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings, it took me a minute to come and admit this
but see I’m really tryna change now,
wanna love you betta, show me how, I’m tryin desperately baby please work with me.

(chorus)
Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I’m so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me. show me how to love
show me the way to surrender my heart,
girl I’m so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,
teach me, teach me (how to love)

[verse 3]
Ain’t nobody eva took the time to try to teach me what love was but you.
And I ain’t neva trust no one enough to let ‘em tell me what (to do),
teach me how to really show it and, show me how to love you baby,
(teach me please just show me yea) cause I’m willing, to let go of my fears,
girl I’m serious, about all that I say
girl I wanna love you (wanna love you), with all of my heart (all of my heart),
baby show me where to start

Teach me, how to love you baby
Girl just teach me how to love you betta
You know I wanna love you betta, girl

Apr 29 2011

2011 NFL Draft

As I sit down and watch the NFL Draft, I see a cycle where young men are pitted against men with the weight of the world on their shoulders, and asked to do what most people are not asked to do in their lifetime: earn this multimillion dollar signing bonus.

Without having to do any research, some names that jump into my head are: Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Alex Smith, and more… These guys are talented boys playing a great game at a high level. They are full of passion, desire, and love of the game and their teammates. Suddenly, the dynamics of the game change with the calling of their name on draft day.

There is something horribly flawed in our culture with how highly we value entertainment over content. It has become a shot to our manhood if we have to move back in with our parents in a recession, but other cultures already understand the value of family.

Apr 13 2011

Man Song: The Aviator

My mom used to tell me that the music you listen to has to have a reason… Even though I don’t agree with that statement, fully, I think that there are some songs that hit us in a way we can’t always explain. It may be the whole song, or just part of it. It may be a good song, and it may not be. This is one of those ify situations. I don’t know if this is a great song or not… I can’t really make it past these words in the chorus:

I’m just a man
Doin’ the best he can
Doin’ the best he can
I’m just a man

I might fall short
But I love a unseen hand
Love the unseen hand
Love the unseen hand

The song is called The Aviator, by a Canadian Hip Hop artist named K-Os (chaos).

The idea of an unseen hand, however yo interpret that, is a powerful visual to a parent. There are many times where raising kids makes us feel like we’ve missed being perfect, or we worry that we may have done or will do something to cause them to go to therapy some day. There is hope that the “unseen” hand will still be there to guide them in spite of our shortcomings. As a parent… as a dad, that is comforting, because I know who that “unseen” hand is for me. HE has brought me a wonderful wife and beautiful children. Check out the song. Tell me what you think.

-JB

Manhood v. Dadhood

Live It! Love It!

Category Archives: Muse

#September11 Reflection

ManSong – Little Moments

ManSong – Welcome to Heartbreak

ManSong – I Was Here by BEYONCE

The Hulk – Modern Mythology

My Wife Kicks [my] Butt!

Green Lantern – Modern Mythology

Man Song: TeachMe by Musiq

2011 NFL Draft

Man Song: The Aviator

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