As a dad, I look forward to the opportunity to pass on my knowledge and passions to my kids. As a man, I think about the legacy I have been handed from my father (or father-figures), and the legacy I will leave for my children to embrace or shun. One of the ways we dads are able to do this, is by teaching our children about the things we loved. I played football in college, and it is assumed that I will teach my kids to love football as I did, and I will. Will I be Will Farrell in Kicking & Screaming? Not likely. It is not football itself, or even winning that I want to teach my kids, but the character traits that playing sports, in general, can teach young people. Back to my topic, teaching and coaching our children is a way dads create lasting memories, solidify relationships, and build trust that will result in meaningful conversations in the tough teen years. However, there are times when we may not be the best person to teach our kids certain skills. I was asked to do a post about when as a dad, is it best to get someone else to teach our kids. Someone ELSE teaching MY kids?
The example presented was about a man having his neighbor teach his daughter to drive. Teaching a child to drive is a rite of passage for both the parent and their kids. Can the child survive the stress of a frantic parent warning of every parked car, loose rock, speed bump, mailbox, old lady, meteorite, body of water, sidewalk, gust of wind, floating leaf, dead animal, or any other “valid” driving hazard? Will the parent be able to survive talking to a fifteen-year-old while seeing a three-year-old in the driver seat? Who will come out on the other side smiling, and how damaged will the relationship be afterwards? Should this have been left up to someone else; a family friend, or perhaps a professional stunt driver?
Meet in the Middle:
I look forward to teaching/coaching football, whether my son plays or not. However, I cannot stomach the thought of coaching level below high school. Personally, there’s two reasons I feel this way: 1) if you’re playing in HS, then you know the commitment and drive needed to make it through a season, and 2) I love the subtleties in the strategies and and chess match of play-calling, and that is not necessary until HS. I told my nephew to learn the fundamentals, and I’ll give him some extra help when he gets to HS. This is the best I can think of as far as meeting my kids at a level I can handle. Your knowledge needs to meet their receptivity to learn. You cannot talk strategy unless the fundamentals and basics are set. You cannot teach hitting a baseball to a certain spot before they can hit. Don’t teach zone defense (basketball or football) unless they can already man-up and lock their opponent down. Don’t say backside, weakside, deep-third, or any other strategy terms until the know left and right! Meet them where they are.
Methods, Styles: 
What is your coaching/teaching method? What is your child’s learning style? How well do your personalities mesh? You MUST answer these questions before engaging in a stressful coaching situation (especially teaching how to drive) with you child or teen. I am a kinesthetic and a visual learner, so having someone lecture me or just reading materials really doesn’t compute in my brain. What helps me is to see what I am supposed to be doing (possibly in pictures) and then trying it out. How do you teach? Does it match or mesh with how your child interprets information? Can you adapt your methods to meet their learning needs? To use the driver’s ed example, how would you prepare your child for their first experience behind a wheel depending upon their learning style? A visual learner may want you to jump in the driver seat and show them what to do. A Kinesthetic learner may want to just try it out in an empty parking lot. An auditory learner may have lots of questions to talk through what to expect and what to do. If you have a child who is a gamer, watch how they try out brand new games; do they look at the directions, go through the in-game tutorial, or just jump in and learn through trial and error?
Relationship, Relevance, and Rigor:
All the moments we spend with our children are creating memories, and the way they will remember us. Take the time to build your relationship with them first; they will have plenty of time to enjoy sports and have coaches who are NOT their dad yell at them. Build relevance in the skills you want them to learn and something that interest them. When your relationship is solid, and they are interested in what you’re teaching/coaching them to do, then you can raise the expectations and add rigor and push for growth.
The Wrap-Up:
Our JOB as dads is to love our kids! If anything detracts from that mission, then fix it!
Thanks for stopping by!
-JB
